We return to the subject so dear to so many – word usage.
As exhibit No. 1 – and the only exhibit I’ve got for you today – I give you this:
“It allows us to aggregate when we strategize … to make it more conveyable … We would rather incent than direct.”
Yeah, you read that right. No, I have no idea what it means. Sadly, it was taken from real life. To quote Lewis Carroll, “Such is human perversity.” He should know.
So when we canvassed this issue before, I asked for submissions, for your suggestions of items to add to the list of ways we don’t want to use words and words we don’t want to use. You, my fair readers, stepped up to the challenge. Your submissions were inspired, your disdain of the bastardization of the language, admirable. I am proud to call you my readers.
Here, then, are your suggestions. Many will see and fear.
From Hank:
Workshop, as a verb. Remember the good old days when a workshop was a place where people built things, generally out of wood? Those days are gone, and crying won’t bring them back.
Task, as a verb. You know what? It’s not. I repeat, “task” IS NOT a verb. It’s a noun. You perform a task. So stop “tasking” people with shit and go do it yourself.
Incentivize. Enough already! Just knock it off! Have you no shame?
From Shelly and Steve:
Unpack, in the metaphorical sense. This is used by “tools,” in the butthead sense. For example, “Let’s unpack that statement.” Let’s not. The only thing anyone should be unpacking is luggage. If you haven’t just come back from vacation, then stop it. Stop it now.
At the end of the day: Yes this is a phrase and so is the next one, but that doesn’t make them any less odious. I’ll tell you exactly what I’ll do “at the end of the day.” “At the end of the day,” I’m going home so I don’t have to listen to you, jackass.
It is what it is: Oh really? Thanks. And just how much carbon dioxide did you spew into the air with that inanity? Can we cap and trade credits on the greenhouse gases coming from your mouth?
From Rachael:
Functionality. What?! I mean, really – what?!
From me:
Win-Win. Loser-loser.
Oh good readers, there are so many more. So, so many. I have neither the time nor the will to address this further. I will not admit defeat; I will continue the fight, but the jargon is closing in all around me. It’s getting dark … and hard to breathe …
I leave you with this parting thought:
Under way is 2 DAMN WORDS!
Stay tuned for an update on the Butt Game.
